23 years later

It’s been years since I’ve blogged for the sake of keeping a personal journal but I think it’s so important to log down what you do – it’s absolutely precious going back and reading things that have happened and the emotions you (poorly) record. I just finished uploading all my Xanga entries onto my wordpress site (since they’ve shut down) and reading through some of Highschool Fab’s thoughts is the greatest – I only wish I’d blogged daily, or more frequently. Anyway, wish I knew I how to upload them onto this site, but they’re on fabiennechan.wordpress.com… in private.

I think it’s crucial to start writing more. For the past few years I’ve only blogged for the sake of building a brand and expressing my thoughts to the industry – everything was research-based. It’s going to be a new chapter in my life, possibly starting on Sunday… So here goes my attempt at summarizing everything that’s happened in my life thus far:

  • I’m employed now, full-time, at a prominent research firm. Work is more economics-based as opposed to planning… But there’s slightly more prestige in it. We’re unparalleled experts on the condo market and there’s only four of us. Moving back into planning is always in the back of my mind though – it’s far more fulfilling and real city-building on the front lines.

  • Whereas people are finding it harder to make friends as they grow older (I don’t know how true this is), I’m finding it strangely easier. I’m a lot more critical of my own flaws and social value in a party of people (self-confidence issue? tiny voice in my head? yikes) but overall, it’s easier and I think it’s because I never let my professional and personal worlds spill over – I used to never party with my university friends for fear that these are my future colleagues and I do not want them to see me sloppy-drunk (this has since changed, we drink our faces off at least once every two weeks). So when I realized I had (accidentally) used my networking skills at a friends’ party and gotten along with a few others, the skies cleared and seas parted. Enlightenment.
  • I’m not a prude. I go out and I go all out. I go clubbing. I have shotgunned. But I never made out with anyone til my early 20s. I am in my early 20s.
  • Something’s been haunting me. The only thing worse than a relationship ending is a friendship ending. It was partially by choice, but on my end it was out of respect for myself. I don’t know what the fuck happened, why it happened, but I just know that if I had any self-respect, I would get out of there and ignore this person. Theoretically, I knew the ins and outs of this situation. But when it came to practicing, it was definitely the hardest thingI’d ever done. I had become used to crawling back, and I guess a part of me believed I was the one who had changed for the worse. The truth is, I did change. But it was for the better. And this person wasn’t used to it – they were always a bad influence in the first place. I’m done justifying things in their favour. There are plenty of fish out there and this one is rotten. Anyway, it hurts. But I know what’s good for me and I just don’t see this person having a place in my future.

Anyway, if things go well, Sunday will be a new chapter.

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