Plus ça change
These words mark a point of realization – the realization. All this time, I’d thought June 7th 2015 was the first day those thoughts crawled out of my mind; yes, it was the first time I’d said it aloud, but I never realized I’d put it on paper before. I found these from last year, written just after my birthday party.
Certain words in here – “terrified”, “scared she likes me back”, “overthinking”, “fucked up trust issues”,… Oh, plus ça change.
But it would be a terrible lie to say I haven’t grown – yes, I still have trust issues and I’m still overthinking (all the) things – but my understanding of myself has gained so much depth.
At least I’m better at articulating my feelings?
In hindsight, my biphobia was glaringly obvious and deeply rooted in insecurity. I’d like to think I’m more confident and self-assured now.
In every sense (writing-wise and feelings-wise), this is painful to read.