Plus ça change

These words mark a point of realization – the realization. All this time, I’d thought June 7th 2015 was the first day those thoughts crawled out of my mind; yes, it was the first time I’d said it aloud, but I never realized I’d put it on paper before.  I found these from last year, written just after my birthday party.

Certain words in here – “terrified”, “scared she likes me back”, “overthinking”, “fucked up trust issues”,… Oh, plus ça change. 

But it would be a terrible lie to say I haven’t grown – yes, I still have trust issues and I’m still overthinking (all the) things – but my understanding of myself has gained so much depth.

At least I’m better at articulating my feelings?

 

edit.//

In hindsight, my biphobia was glaringly obvious and deeply rooted in insecurity. I’d like to think I’m more confident and self-assured now.

In every sense (writing-wise and feelings-wise), this is painful to read.

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