Overthinking, again.

Here’s another instance of me overthinking things:

When I came out on Facebook, I paid loose attention to who Liked my post as a way of noting who now knows I am queer,  and thereby to whom I do not need to come out. Of note, I’m well aware of Facebook’s feed algorithm and it’s selectiveness in who sees.

So there’s this girl in my class who looks like Sky Ferreira, is into Game of Thrones, and has memes embedded in her humour. All factors for bae-ness.

But per the Constitutional Bill of Lesbians, Article I, Section I, “Assume straight lest otherwise mentioned”. Otherwise has not been mentioned.

We started texting back and forth in class (“Abort! Abort!” – distant voices from afar) and chatted online on Facebook messenger every now and then. As exam time came, I, too, came out.

She never Liked my post.

We didn’t talk for a while because exams kept us busy. Or so I thought.

I posted a link on our secret Facebook class group. She usually likes my posts. She didn’t this time.

I tried not to take it to heart. Defensive thoughts started laying bricks. “Your friendship wouldn’t have lasted anyway. The difference between you two would’ve started creating a riff anyway. She wasn’t that great… anyway”. I started getting used to the fact that some people are just conservative at the core, no matter how swell they may seem on the surface. It’s unfortunate, but that’s just how some people are.

A week later, a message popped up on my Facebook. She’d sent me photos – “Dude, check out how much public seating’s in Montreal!” referencing the article I had recently been featured on that highlighted the lack of seating in Toronto. She’d gone on a quick vacation following exams. “They made me think of you haha”.

Though I’m still not sure if she saw my coming out post, it’s still clearly been a case of Much Ado About Nothing in my head. I need to take better control of my thoughts and be aware of when I’m fixating on something.

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