I don’t know

I have another tab open right now for a WordPress post summarizing my Pride Toronto 2016 weekend and unfoldings but I’ve been stuck. Partially because of writers’ block, partially because I’m feeling a maelstrom of emotions right now.

I’ve been wondering for the past few weeks if I’ve developed ADHD – my mind races, goes astray, and I never paid attention to it until I found myself completely unable to study. I’m not sure if that sounds petty and I dread more than anything appropriating this medical term since I’ve never had any sort of official diagnosis, but it only came to my attention because it was affecting something I felt was “important” – not myself, but my studies.

I’m not sure if I have anxiety, but I think I’m developing… something. I feel stressed, clenched, out of my control, and

and I think the root of it is me having feelings for someone. and not knowing fi they reciprocate it.

I’m overthinking every word, every response, everything that’s fucking happening and I need closure. I feel trapped on a platform ten miles high, waiting for this string of false hope to snap.

I don’t know if she likes me to the point where she’d date me (???) and I don’t know if I, her. I really don’t fucking know.

I can barely even formulate proper sentences right now, let alone tell a story with this blog post.

I don’t know if this girl is just a scape goat, but my head has been an absolute mess. I can’t focus. I keep thinking. I keep going in circles. I keep regretting.

I thin k i”m developing some kind of anxiety. But I don’t want to appropriate that term from people who actually have it. I was going to seek counselling at my university services department today but put it off. I don’t know.

I just need to put something out. It’s been three days since Sunday posting-time.

Maybe I’ll delete this and replace it with something else.

Jesus fucking christ.


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