I’m not doing too well.
I’ve been trying to put her off my mind – there’s literally nothing I can do until Thursday. Everything I do now will just sabotage me in her mind for Thursday.
I feel sick. In the stomach. In the head. In the heart.
I’m gasping for closure.
The most frightening thing? I found myself for a few seconds tonight getting comfortable with not having her in my life. I’d slipped and my defense mechanism had snuck up on me, trying to take hold of the situation and reason my feelings away. And it was relieving… until I remembered and fought to put myself back in this box.
This is fucking unreal.