She’s in my nude beach bike gang.

I ended up going on an impromptu trip to the island with the planners today. I didn’t realize when I set out as I was too hungover and must’ve skipped over that detail in the text, but a crush of mine came out too.

We hadn’t seen each other since that last time I almost made out with her I puked and she took care of me late last year. I was a walking disaster. She’d gone backpacking for a few months, during which I had some pretty good, in-depth conversations on Messenger with her, so I was fairly excited to see her today. We’d all brought our bikes and it felt real rad speeding through the islands with my friends. She rides a men’s road bike and I find that so endearing.

We ended up going to a nude beach and I hadn’t brought my bathing suit, so off my shirt and pants went. I had an amazing time with the planners (although, as I am, there were certain times when I longed to be at home. I had to remind myself during these times that yes, being social is emotionally taxing, but very much worth it in the long run).

It wasn’t until around the fifth hour when I was finally left alone with her and we were able to talk one on one. Lately, I’ve had a heightened sense and desire to connect with people on a deeper level. It’s far more fulfilling for me, gets my blood running, and my soul excited. She is someone I’ve felt I’ve been able to connect with – she’s also a social-justicey type and they are my kryptonite I connect particularly well with these people.

Despite our solid conversations, I was a little heartbroken that she wasn’t as perfect a listener as I had remembered. Yes – perfect. But it does get a little blurry, as with most people you don’t see too often, whether this detail was from memory or an ideal. I think of myself as a perfect listener – I rarely interrupt and when I do, it’s to add on or to press people in a direction that would make them think and deepen the conversation – I like to draw things out of people that they otherwise would not tap into. I’m also highly observant of mannerisms – where your eyes are when I’m talking, if you seem distracted, if you’re into what I’m saying. Anyhow, she seemed a little on edge while we were together. Perhaps it was because of the weed and booze. I didn’t get to finish all my stories and often the ends were left dangling as she thought of a relevant experience or she let herself be absorbed by something else happening in our surroundings. That being said, I felt I shared a sufficient amount with her, and her, with me. I told her about my personal struggles and growth in July, and she confided in me her struggles as a pansexual person who passes as straight and has a boyfriend. We talked about the importance of having a queer group of friends, how unfit we felt in our straight circles, and the ridiculousness of the gender binary.

I really enjoyed spending time with her. At one point, she announced that she felt very comfortable and at ease around me, and that she suspected I felt the same way around her. I smiled and nodded.

Oh, but she’s a flirt. She can be dangerous. As someone in a monogamous relationship with a straight dude, her advances and my consequent feelings can spell trouble.

Silly me – even knowing this, I couldn’t help but feel a bout of joy when she decided to lay her head on my legs.

And I noticed when we hugged goodbye, as her hands unwrapped from me, I felt them caress my upper stomach.

And her eyes. Her flirtatious demeanor. Good God.

Today was also a good day. None of us ended up going out to the dance party as we were exhausted from swimming and biking all day, but I’m not even mad. Today was a good day to be social.

It was also a bit of a mini-gayvictory for me when I realized not ten minutes before starting this post that straight people comprised a minority in our bike gang – two out of seven, to be precise! I love when the tables turn.


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